Have you ever woken up from a dream convince that it was all true? I had a dream so vivid and thoroughly cued in to my thoughts the last few days that it has taken me the better part of today to convince myself that it was not real and that I am in fact absolutely, 100% NOT pregnant!
I was back in Florida, staying at a lovely (I am assuming rented because I would never be caught dead living somewhere as hot and humid as Florida) house, visiting for my Grandparents anniversary. My entire family was there, my uncles, aunt, cousins, the whole lot of us at a nice luncheon at my grandparents clubhouse with a few of their close friends. It was all very elegant and beautiful and there I am in the middle of the group with my 8-month old son who is looking absolutely adorable with his jet black head of hair and bright blue eyes in a little suit, complete with bow-tie. All the while my Grandpa is fussing with the little boy while my Grandma tells me that I am too young to have children and that I should be out exploring the world and living my life rather than staying at home, working a boring job, and raising a child by myself. At the end of the party I head back to my rented house with my son who keeps changing back and forth from an adorable 8-month old to a chatty and opinionated 4-year old. When I finally get him to sleep (back as a 8-month old) I relax on the couch and call up my friend who has asked me to carry her child because she cannot get pregnant. I have said I would and she is chatting on about how she cannot wait for her little girl to be born in 3 months. I look down at my stomach and see nothing more than what I have been calling “a little bloating” and suddenly remember that I am 6-months pregnant with her daughter. I was barely showing and had completely forgotten that I was pregnant! Just as I am panicking that I am going to have to tell her I forgot I was pregnant and that her child may be deformed from the excessive amount of coffee I consume along with my regular glass of wine I woke up, rushed to the bathroom, and proceeded to stare at what currently I am referring to as my “a little bloated” stomach.
For the next–well I am not going to admit how long is was–I stood there staring at my stomach in the mirror, repeating to myself “I am not pregnant! I am not pregnant! I AM NOT PREGNANT!” Now if waking up and spending the better part of your morning convincing yourself that your pregnancy was only a dream isn’t bad enough, I went grocery shopping this afternoon and wound up following a young mom who wasn’t much older than me around and around the store imagining myself as her and the little boy sitting in the cart as the son from my dream.
Now before you go on thinking that I am crazy and a little too mommy-minded, let me just say that, that couldn’t be farther from the truth! Just last week when I was in Florida my Grandma and I had a long conversation about marriage and babies in which I told her that I don’t want to even start thinking about either of those two until I am 26 and would not consider acting on either of them until I am at least 28. As I told her then and as I firmly believe, there is just too much I want to do first to be thinking about boys or babies or marriage or even settling down for that matter!
I have been trying to convince my mother and myself for years that I don’t want to ever give birth (I say trying because she, I, and everyone who has ever met me knows that I will have kids one day). I keep saying that I want to adopt and I absolutely do, but let’s be honest for a moment here, I want to have a baby the “old-fashioned way” too, what girl doesn’t?
However, as I said earlier I really don’t want to even start thinking about any of this for another 5 years so why are baby boys, baby bumps, and blue bottles filling my head at night?! I am 21-years-old, perpetually single, with no longterm employment plan, and with a sever case of wanderlust. Babies just don’t exist in that equation. One day I hope they do but for the next 5-10 maybe not . . .
Any thoughts on what my dream means other than the fact that I need to stop eating chocolate before bed and maybe I am spending too much time with adorable (and sometimes annoying) children at work? Has anyone else had super vivid baby dreams? This is my first and I am freaking out a little, all I can think about is Juno.